When I first started learning how to work with a horse in a round pen, I would trailer my horse Cisco to a local trainer, Ray Wheeler. I was eager to work with Ray because he understood the popular natural horsemanship ideas but had created his own methods from his many years of breaking, training and giving lessons. We started with riding lessons but quickly realized Cisco and I needed on-the-ground training. Holes in our relationship were very evident in the round pen.
I remember one session where the frustration level went through the roof, for both Cisco and I (and probably for Ray was well)! At one point, Cisco started charging AT me. I was horrified and frighted; I felt like crying and yelled at Cisco “I feed you, you should behave!” He should be grateful to me was what I meant. At that point Ray kicked me out of the round pen; I felt like he was saying “there is no crying in horse training, get a grip!”
I thought Ray was going to really teach Cisco a lesson, but instead, he started telling me and showing me everything I was doing wrong. I was mortified. It was such a humbling experience and one that I am grateful for.
Ray was right. As we continued to work together, week after week, Ray showed me areas where I was inconsistent and confusing, leading Cisco to get frustrated and aggressive. I was not clear and not confident and sometimes Cisco would take advantage. One of the biggest lessons I learned was that I needed to stop blaming Cisco.
There were absolutely times when Cisco was difficult, but the more I worked on MY stuff, the better the relationship got. I learned that I gave mixed signals and had no clear boundaries. I learned that I couldn’t just let things go and hope situations would get better on their own. I had to address the behavior that I didn’t like and figure out what my part in that situation was. This was a huge lesson in boundary setting, and not letting situations go too far to the point that they got heated. Until then, the lack of boundary setting is why it often felt Cisco could go from 0-100 in a matter of seconds. I wasn’t paying attention.
Before working with Ray, I often considered selling or giving Cisco away because he felt too dangerous for me. We had some very scary trail rides where he would become a galloping bucking bronco. I remember one trail ride when a friend got mad at me for galloping off and scaring her horse; the truth was that I was hanging on for dear life! We had turned towards home and Cisco decided he wanted to get there ASAP. He finally tired and we ended the ride at a walk, but I was a puddle in the saddle. Then other days he would be a complete angel, and I would regret ever thinking of getting rid of him.
I think deep down inside me I knew if I gave up on Cisco, I would really be giving up on me.
I continue to learn from my horses; they truly help me be a better human.
In loving memory of Marks Blue Clown, aka Cisco (1997-2016)
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